Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Arsenal KID!!
Child: No
Judge: Why?
Child: She beats me.
Judge: Okay, so you want to live with dad?
Child: No
Judge: Why not?
Child: He beats me too.
Judge: So who do you want to live with?
Child: Arsenal!!!!!!!!
Judge: WHY??
Child: They never beat anyone!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Idi Amin's speach in UK...
You will eat a full cow: and also feel up your stomach and walk with difficult because of full stomach completely. Even when you want to rest at night; I will make sure that you sleep on top of me in the top up stairs of my mansion completely so that you can enjoy all the gravity of fresh air."But now am sorry because I have to tell you that I have made a short call on you only. But next time I shall make a long call on you to last the whole moon completely. Thank you very much to allow me to undress you completely before these extinguished ladies under gentlemen sir. Lastly but not list, I ask the band to play our international anthem of the republic of Uganda and also the British international anthem..Your majesty sir, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the bottoms of all the people of Uganda . With this few words I thank you Sir"
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Marriage Software
This is what a guy wrote to our systems analyst: Dear Systems Analyst, I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn’t mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities. Applications such as “Boys’ Night out 2.5″ and “Golf 5.3″ no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected “Saturday Football 6.3″ always fails and “Saturday Shopping 7.1″ runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline. I am thinking of going back to “Girlfriend 7.0″, but uninstall doesn’t work on this program. Can you please help?
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
21 Guidelines to life
ONE.Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO.Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE.Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR.When you say, 'I love you,' mean it. FIVE.When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye. SIX.Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN..Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT.Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE.Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN...In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN..Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE..Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN! ... When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?' FOURTEEN.. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. FIFTEEN.Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze. SIXTEEN.When you lose, don't lose the lesson. SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions. EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. |
"The most you can do is the best you can."
Saturday, June 26, 2010
MY MASTER
A sick man turned 2 his docta as he was preparin 2 leave da examination room n said, "docta, am afraid 2 die. Tell me wat lies on da otha side." very quietly da doc sed, "I don know." "u don know? U, a xtian man, do nt know wats on da otha side?" da doc was holdin da handle of da door; on da otha syd came a sound of scratchin n whinin, as he opend da door, a dog sprang into da rum n leapd on him wit an eager show of gladness. Turnin 2 da patient, doc sed "did u notice ma dog? He's neva bin in dis rum b4. He dint know wats inside. He knew nthn xpt his masta was here, n wen da door opend, he sprang in without fear. I know little of wat is on da syd of death bt i do know 1 thing...MY MASTER IS THERE N DAT IS ENOUGH."
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Ref: World Cup
Dear Sir/Madam,
I wish to let you know that the FIFA World Cup is about to begin. This
is not just any other tournament, it's the World Cup! Please note that
this tournament takes place every four years and a month to finish, i.e.
from 11th June to 11th July for this year. During this period take note
of the following:
1. I will be knocking off earlier than usual in order to watch the kick
off of the first game.
2. Do not be surprised if I report a little bit late every morning, it
will depend on the time the last game finishes.
3. Production will go up during this month as almost all employees will
be happy and highly motivated (Check Maslow's Motivation Theories with
Human Resource).
4. I know you are into other boring sports like golf, cricket, bowling,
etc. Please if you want to fit in the work environment for the next one
month, try to know something about soccer, even asking a foolish
question like" Is Malawi playing tonight?" that is if you really want to
fit in, or else no one will be a loner for one full month.
5. Greeting each other in the morning will change from "Good morning" to
"How was the game last night?"
6. I will not accept to work overtime during this period as no amount of
money can buy me to miss a game. Therefore make sure you don't give me
any work after 16:30hours.
7. I will need to be up-to-date with the latest; therefore the first 1
hour every morning is for accessing sports websites and other updates on
the internet and also chatting with friends on phone.
8. Lastly, please do not think you can fire me should you decide to
break any of the above rules as you will have to fire everyone.
Thank you for your understanding.
Yours faithfully,
cc: Management
cc: Union
cc: Ministry of Labour
cc: Human Right Commission
cc: International Labour Organisation
cc: United Nations Council for Human Rights
cc: FIFA
cc: ICC ( Att Moreno Ocampo)
Regards
I wish to let you know that the FIFA World Cup is about to begin. This
is not just any other tournament, it's the World Cup! Please note that
this tournament takes place every four years and a month to finish, i.e.
from 11th June to 11th July for this year. During this period take note
of the following:
1. I will be knocking off earlier than usual in order to watch the kick
off of the first game.
2. Do not be surprised if I report a little bit late every morning, it
will depend on the time the last game finishes.
3. Production will go up during this month as almost all employees will
be happy and highly motivated (Check Maslow's Motivation Theories with
Human Resource).
4. I know you are into other boring sports like golf, cricket, bowling,
etc. Please if you want to fit in the work environment for the next one
month, try to know something about soccer, even asking a foolish
question like" Is Malawi playing tonight?" that is if you really want to
fit in, or else no one will be a loner for one full month.
5. Greeting each other in the morning will change from "Good morning" to
"How was the game last night?"
6. I will not accept to work overtime during this period as no amount of
money can buy me to miss a game. Therefore make sure you don't give me
any work after 16:30hours.
7. I will need to be up-to-date with the latest; therefore the first 1
hour every morning is for accessing sports websites and other updates on
the internet and also chatting with friends on phone.
8. Lastly, please do not think you can fire me should you decide to
break any of the above rules as you will have to fire everyone.
Thank you for your understanding.
Yours faithfully,
cc: Management
cc: Union
cc: Ministry of Labour
cc: Human Right Commission
cc: International Labour Organisation
cc: United Nations Council for Human Rights
cc: FIFA
cc: ICC ( Att Moreno Ocampo)
Regards
Friday, June 11, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Why Are Americans Jobless ?
James Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 a.m.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES ) .
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN
VIETNAM ).
VIETNAM ).
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA ), James decided to relax for a while.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA ), James decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE ) and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA .
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA )!
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA )!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Do u think age is affecting our continent??
AFRICA
Mubarak (Egypt) age 82
Mugabe (Zimbabwe) 86
Pohamba (Namibia) 74
Banda (Zambia) 73
Kibaki (Kenya) 71
Gaddafi (Libya) 68
Zuma (South Africa) 68
Khama (Botswana) 57
Average: 72.4
THE FIRST WORLD
Obama (USA) 48
Cameron (UK) 43
Medvedev (Russia) 45
Harper (Canada) 51
Rudd (Australia) 53
Sarkozy (France) 55
Zapatero (Spain) 49
Socrates (Portugal) 53
Average: 49.6
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
mmm
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Sunday, May 16, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
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